The last post

The sun filters through the trees. The dappled shade keeping me cool as I lay on the sun bed.

Pain and discomfort slowly ebbing away as the pain killers kick in. My eyes shut and I listen to the birds singing. A small breeze shakes the shrubs and trees and cools my over heating body.

Before Christmas I contracted a virus which nearly finished me Mrs Sox and I were told I had days to live. The family came to my bedside and said nice things.

My bed in the hospital was in a quarantine room. They wanted the bed for someone else, there were no places at care homes or at any hospice. They wanted me out.

I told them I wanted to go home and within 24hours I had been taken home by ambulance and given a care package.

My bodies reaction to the (not covid19 but cant tell me what) virus was massive swelling  this closed off my already constricted bowel and it bust. I had sepsis and a ruptured sigmoid colon.

The cancer is slowly rapping its way around my bowel and is taking over my liver. My cancer specialist seems to have given up on me. It hasn’t helped that chemo wards have been virtually shut because of the Covid 19 virus and the trials have all been stopped. As of this moment there is nothing that the NHS can do for me.

I am also struggling with post virus problems (to many to list). It isn’t great but I am still here and i am not ready to go yet.

A fact that is worth pondering is more people will die from cancer this year than are predicted to die from Covid19. When this threat is over, perhaps the government will put as much effort into cancer as they have with this virus………

All my clothes are / have gone to the cancer research shop in Cardiff. I hope this small contribution will help someone in the future to find cures. Also the size 8 to 9 shoes will help girls with slightly larger feet.

My tvchix account was closed ages ago. I still dont know wether to delete this blog or to leave it for the bots to read. For the moment its still here.

I still think i have been lucky in life. Its been a struggle from growing up in a slum to owning my own home but the struggle helps you appreciate things more. I have achieved lots of things and if i had lived another few years would have had a comfortable retirement. Its been a dual existence The American Indians call it 2spirits. It took years to come to terms with who and what I was. That struggle with the mental side of things, being called names in the street and run ins with homophobes made me stronger. Later in life rather than going out and being the only one I found like minded girls to go out with and talk to. These girls gave me more strength. The age of the internet definitely helped.

Life at Sox cottage has been a wonderful experience.Virtually all the veg we eat comes from the garden. I would have loved to have kept bees but time has caught up with me. This year Mrs Sox and my son has managed to plant most things up in the garden with direction from me. I have made a little book for them to refer to in the future which i hope will be of some help.

Thank you to those that have become friends and those that have looked at my blog. Thank you for your comments.

This is my last blog.

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

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6 thoughts on “The last post

  1. Dear Bobby, you have been an inspiration to me and to many other girls in the way you determined to live as your female self on your terms, and choosing your own style. Your wife is a true ally and has been supportive not just to your friends but to trans people at her work as well. We need more people like you.

    I am very sad that these painful diseases that have come to you, and especially when you were looking forward to better things. I am also angry at the attitude of many in your health care team. We all realise that this year has created a unique strain on health services worldwide but we also all know that in certain countries like the UK that strain has been compounded by a government dishonesty and inhumanity. You deserved better. We all did. But as an ongoing patient this near abandonment is an indictment of current attitudes. My resentment will be adding to the pressure for a change to better care all round.

    You’ve done amazingly well fighting your cancer, better than you or anyone else thought, which is, I guess, part of your nature as someone who’s struggled for what’s best for her. That’s also very inspiring.

    Do leave your blog up. It’s a testament to you, your life, what you’ve done and the good times people have had alongside you.

    I know you were not left with much hope for the long-term by your oncologist even at the start but I am always following your progress here and on other media. You will always have my love and support.

    Sue x

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  2. Hi Bobby, its good to hear from you one last time.
    We never met, never talked apart from here, still something in your posts rang true in me and I followed you.
    As Sue said, please leave your blog up. It is your thoughts, desires and frustrations. It mirrors an important part of you. You have shared this with us and it should be there for the duration so that others can read and reflect on.

    I will stop now as I’m having difficulty seeing the keyboard.
    It was nice to have met you here.
    A short encounter, but one I will remember.
    Thank you.

    To quote Peter Pan, I wont say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.
    Abigale x

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  3. It’s heartbreaking to read but you have left such a positive impression on me from the times we met. I feel privileged to be able to call you a friend. Sending all my love xxx 💔

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  4. I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and, it would seem you’re not that far from me location wise, makes it even so more real and hard to read.
    You’ve made the right decision in leaving your blog account here. Whatever happens there will be a part of you still here to see and understand your life. I’ve only just found your blog so plenty to catch up on. Take care. x

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