I am sitting in my flat. I have the radio on low and I am tinkling away on my guitar to the blues tunes that the DJ Paul Jones is playing. The light is dimmed which is giving the room a yellow tinge. The flashing blue and yellow lights on my router are giving the impression that there is a small silent disco going on in the corner of the room. The flat is quite cosy, it came with a nice brown leather corner settee and all the usual creature comforts. My feet are keeping warm in some fluffy silver slippers and of course I have a cup of tea and a slice of Dorset apple cake by my side.
It’s not as nice as Sox towers but it’s a base. Mrs Sox is sorting some final matters out there and will be joining me in the next few days.
Yep sitting here with the calming influence of my acoustic and the blues has got me thinking. All these years I have thought it wrong to cross dress and be feminine. A teaching from my parents. I don’t blame them in any way. It has taken a long time to come to terms with me. I do still struggle with it but only because of what others may think. I do believe that was the main reason my mum wanted to stop me playing with girls and their dolls.
I grew up with The Dick Emery show, Dame Edna, the Two Ronnie’s, Morecombe & Wise and Les Dawson. All mainstream comedians who mock and parody women while dressed in female attire.
How could I put on a dress and not think I would be scorned. I would be laughed at in the street. This is how most people see us… as Dame Edna.
My generation unfortunately still think it’s funny. Jeremy Clarkson kind of rounded it up nicely in his latest column in the Sunday times.
I am a long way from just throwing on a dress and going out. Like most girls out there I have to make sure that I will be safe. This usually means going out in a group. It means making sure I have a plan B if things go wrong.
As a Trans person I am not ‘free’. I am not free because of people’s perception of me, taught to them by the media, the rubbish that they see on the internet and the phobia passed down to them by their parents…….
So I apologise for my generation. The only thing I can do is get out there and let people see that actually, I am a human being worthy of respect just like they are.
A bit on the negative side I know. A night out in Cardiff is on the way in the next couple of weeks though, so that positive thought is pushing out some of the negative ones. Hopefully the weather will be kind and I won’t have to put up with the effect sideways rain has on my hair. Turning up to a venue looking decidedly wind swept isn’t really the way a girl wants to enter a room.
I will be trying my best NOT to look like Dame Edna and will be strutting my stuff in some big heels.
Here’s to a night out 🙂